Home

After about 48 hours of travel and layovers I finally made it home last night. It's good to be home. I slept pretty well and went to the gym this morning. I figure if I can get back into my routine as quickly as possible I can beat jet lag. I didn't really get it in India, so I may be able to avoid it now that I'm home.

Pics later today of Singapore. Where it bucketed rain. I ended up riding a bus around town for about two or three hours in order to see the sights. I am no umbrella man.

Coming Home Early

Cochin is absolutely gorgeous. The people are wonderful, the food is good, the climate is about 10 degrees cooler than Chennai. Still, I have decided to come home a few days early. I'm not much of a beach guy and, additionally, Fort Cochin is in the middle of bloody nowhere. It's 10-100km to do anything.

As my faithful readers know, I trusted Chandrasakar with my life. I've had 8 people drive me around since and I've honestly thought I was going to be in an accident at least as many times. So that fact saddled with the fact that anything cool is really far away, and the forecast for monsoonal rains has been fairly accurate, I've decided to pack it up.

Over the last two days, I tried to have as many adventures as I could. I've (in order):

• Lost my luggage with all the goodies for people back home (apparently, it wanted to see Bangalore first)
• Walked the seawall at historic Fort Cochin
• Visited the chinese fishing nets
• Saw the Dutch museum
• Saw the spice market (400 years old, or so I was told)
• Spent some time in Jewtown (Cochin has a very diverse religious community, including hindus, buddists, muslims, catholics, and...I'm not kidding 14 jews...there used to be hundreds, but most went to Israel in the '50s or '60s. Most of the remaining people are in their 60s or 70s. The youngest is 35. I expect she'll be quite lonely in a decade.)
• Took an extended tour of the city in an autorickshaw that broke down three times (Glad I only paid 50 Rs.)
• Oh, I also spent about an hour on my cell phone trying to re-arrange my travel plans (I'm gonna hate next month's bill)
• Drove into Cochin proper to pick up my new ticket
• Saw an amazing Kathakali performance (http://www.kathakali.net/) I can't even begin to explain. I'll post pictures when I'm home. The internet cafe here is a little weak.
• Passed out exhausted at 9:30

Today, I went on an eight-hour tour of the Kerala backwaters in a covered houseboat. The backwaters are amazingly beautiful. It was so tropcal and peaceful. Again, I'm at a loss for words, so I'll probably write more about the experience when I get home. The short version is I met some cool tourists from all around the world, visited some native villages, ate a traditional Kerala lunch (brave, as I'll soon be trapped in a plane or an airport for 40 or so hours), and took in the amazing beauty of this part of the world.

Right now it's bucketing rain, so while I am finished with this post, I'm gonna kill some time in the cybercafe.

Next update from Singapore sometime tomorrow or the next day.

Last Day in Chennai

The Team: Front Row Ted (kneeling) Chanchal (standing) (Second Row L to R) Anil, Subu (Boss of this branch of Birlasoft), Matti, Magesh, Subramani, Tappan, Sundar, Jay, Ramkumar, Jaykumar, Kartik, Rajeshwari, Manjula, and Rajalakshmi.

Anil is off to the Ashram in Delhi and Ted is sitting in my room banging out one last e-mail before he gets on the plane back to the United States.

It was a great day today. We started off with a knowledge bowl to see how well the team retained the education and event requirements we gave them last week. Split into three teams or three or four, they had to answer questions round-robin style. IN other words Team A was asked a question. When they finished Team B could expand on the answer and fill in any holes, and then Team C got to fill in any remaining gaps. And so it went for about 15 questions or so.

"Despite the fact that we were presenting them with the information for the fist time, their grasp of the information was phenomenal. I have come to the conclusion that I am either an excellent teacher or they are excellent students. I am pretty sure it is the latter," says Ted.

And what a competitive group. Anil and Ted told me it would be an impressive display of smarts and cunning, but I had no idea. We could feel the team under the gun strain forward as Anil began to ask the question. Then they would all consider the question independently for a few seconds and then confer in hushed tones to protect their knowledge. The person in the group with the best answer would speak confidently as Anil and Ted judged their answer.

Speaking of teams, we had The Lions (Magesh, Rajeshwari, Subramani), Rock (Mathi, Karthik, Chanchal, Ramkumar) and Masterminds (Sundar, Tapan, Manjula, Rajalakshmi). The Masterminds won it all and have bragging rights for a full year, or until the next time Ted and Anil (and I?) return for more KT.

We awarded small chocolate bars to all in recognition of their performance after the competition, and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves.

After that bit of fun, Ted Anil and I headed to our last lunch together. We just went around the corner to the Indio-Chinese place and had a relaxing meal where we talked politics and life. I really can't say enough about these two. It's been a real joy to spend the last two weeks with them. It's funny, many times when people travel together for extended periods, they get on each others nerves or grow disaffected. That never happened with us. They are exceptional travelling companions and that's high praise indeed.

Need I mention that we stuffed ourselves.

Actually I do, because an hour or so after we returned from lunch, there was a high tea. More food, more drink, more conviviality. I honestly think my belt groaned a little as my hand raised a savory puff pastry to my lips.

The high tea was one last time for everyone to gather and exchange gifts. We were overwhelmed with the generosity from Birlasoft. Ted and I were given beautiful decorative brass plates and ornately carved wooden vases. Anil was given a statue of the God Hanumanji (two actually, Ted gave him one as well in recognition of all his hard work). And then we all took turns to speak and sing each others praises. It was easy to do. The team has been exceptional. Dedicated, selfless, supremely intelligent and incisive. They really are a model of a good programming group.

Back to Hanumanji. Taking the form of a monkey, he is the God of all powers (willpower, stregth, etc.). He is also the god whom Anil reveres most. It's quite fitting. Anil is the model of will power, wisely made decisions and integrity. I couldn't be prouder of him. I know I will miss his excellent guidance when I am in Kerala on my own. It's been great to have have him here as a sounding board and guide.

After the high tea we packed up, said our last goodbyes and headed back to the hotel. Which is where I sit right now. I may be able to continue the blog from Kerala, but I don't really know. So keep watching, but there may not be anything until my return.

In any case it's been a great learning experience as well as a great adventure. I hope it was entertaining for you. Let me know, if you're reading this today take the time to leave a comment. I have no idea who's out there.

Haven't had dinner in a week and a half

Food, glorious food,
Eat right through the menu

Just loosen your belt

Two inches and then you,

Work up a new appetite,

In this interlude

Then, food, once again, food, fabulous, food, glorious food!

- Oliver

We ate like kings. For two weeks we paid virtually nothing and ate like kings. We've eaten in our hotel (Delicious) other posh hotels (Delicious), nice restaurants for the upper class of Chennai (Delicious), restaurants for the regular folks (Delicious), room service (Delicious), mall food courts (Delicious).

We've been introduced to Sambar (a hot vegetable breakfast stew), Idli, (a moist, steamed rice cake used to sop up the sambar), Vada (spicy donut shaped things that are dipped in Sambar) Aloo Gobi (potato and cauliflower), Spicy Aloo (spicy potato) ...basically aloo everything. We've had (and this is by no means an exhaustive list) Malai Kofta (solidified milk balls with a red center in a spicy yellowish paste), Ven Ponjigal (imagine mashed potatoes with spice), Tutti Frutti Kesari (kinda like a really super firm cream of wheat with, um, yeah, fruit...if you didn't pick up on that from the name), Sag Paneer (spinach and cottage cheese)...actually, I ate a lot of paneer. It's firmer than the cottage cheese you get in the States.

Anyway we ate a boatload of things (pics at the bottom of the page). And it was all delicious. And for the most part, really spicy. And except for one of us for one day, no one got Dehli Belly...as they call it here. Thank God. Of course we never ate on the streets either.

Because people mostly eat with their hands, we were also surrounded by breads. We had piles of the north Indian staple Naan (plain, butter, garlic or ginger), which anyone who has eaten at an Indian restaurant has had. Loads of Parantha which is a south indian bread (it's kind of like a whole wheat tortilla, but thicker and cut into eighths), and Papar which is a little lighter than Parantha but is deep fried for a second or two.

That's right. You have to ask for utensils when you eat anywhere but in a hotel. It was fantastic. A big staple of the Indian diet is Basmati rice. Basically you take a pile of rice, pour a small amount of your fave curry over it, form it into little balls with your fingers and...down the hatch. After the inital shock of doing something so foreign, it became easy.

Mostly, though, we ate at buffets (That's the way most hotels and restaurants serve food. You can always order off the menu), and tried a little bit of everything. Not only was it a grand experience to try all these new things, but our gluttonous excess (ok, my gluttonous excess) has forced me to go to the hotel gym almost every day.

So why buffets? Well, it's a city of 4+ million people and they're all hungry, all the time.

No wonder, the food is delicious.

In one hour we have our last meal together, Ted and Anil fly out tonight and I fly out in the morning. Another post about those two in a bit.

The dedicated, talented cooks

And the stuff they make

and make

and make
and make

and make
And after the meal, candied anise seeds and rocks

Good stuff and lots of smiles.

It ain't for sissies, that's for sure

Our driver Chandrasakar is fearless. In a city of unmarked four-way intersections this is a good thing. He cruises the streets, alleys, and boulevards of Chennai with elan. Well, with elan and a well calloused thumb from riding the horn so ruthlessly. As I've said before, people use the horn to mean, in no particular order: I'm coming, I'm going, stop, hurry up, look out, on your left, on your right, pardon me do you have any Grey Poupon?, I'm turning left, I'm turning right, I'm blowing the red light, etc.

While technically there are traffic rules and laws, in day to day life they fall by the wayside. Everyone goes. All the time. The only time people stop is at red lights, and then only when heavy traffic is coming the other way.

To the Western eye, every moment is chaos. Every moment is one moment away from impact.

Did I mention the cows?

The cows. The bicyclists carrying five or six BBQ grill gas canisters piled on top of one another (talk about Tandoori). The people walking in the street (both with and against traffic). The auto-rickshaws. And the ubiquitous 106CC motorcycles that dart into any open space on the road.

Did I mention that everything but the cows have a horn. Drivers in Chennai (and all of India, I'm told) use the horn like drivers in the United States use the gas pedal on a wide open stretch of freeway. With abandon and vigor. Anil says that driving in the U.S. is not half as fun because no one honks.


Well sure. But we also stay within the painted lanes. Like everything else here, lane markers are merely suggestions. When I came here, I imagined riding someones motorcycle about for fun. Now that I've been here awhile, I realize that would leave me in the hospital. It takes true skill to drive here.

Which brings me back to Chandrasakar. At first he terrified me. Then I got used to his aggressive style. Now I don't even gasp when he misses someone or someone misses him by millimeters.

Why?

Because I've ridden with someone else. In the front seat (which is the driver's side in the U.S.) Talk about horrifying. There's nothing more frightening than hearing someone grind into first gear when a bus is barreling down on you from the opposite direction, but in your lane. After we avoided becoming bugs on the bus' windshield, I asked (I'll call him Shridar to save him from being embarrassed, ok Sundar?) how long he had been driving.

"Two weeks," he replied. I laughed, and asked him again. "No. Seriously. How long?"

"Two weeks," he said again. I buckled up.


Now when I slide into the front seat of our car, I smile and nod at Chandrasakar. I know how hard he works to make it look so easy.

Oh, one last thing. He almost got a ticket today. The right lane had to go straight, the left lane had to turn left. Our man made an illegal right hand turn across traffic (remember, they drive on the opposite side of the road). I think he probably told the cop directing traffic, who pulled him over with a wave of the hand (think about that for a minute...the one person in charge of keeping people from running into each other abandoned a huge intersection to bark at someone), that the white guys made him do it.

Like I said, he's good.

Chandrasakar in a rare moment away from the wheel

If You Ever Thought Rolling Blackouts Were Bad...

The first thing you notice is the noise. It sounds like there's a bowling alley on the roof and Roy Munson is working his way toward a perfect game. That, of course, is the A/C unit shutting down.

Count to three.

The lights cut out and you're left in the sickly blue glow of laptop screens and the projector.

Wait. Could be 12 seconds, could be two minutes. You never know when the power is coming back on.

Work. What else are you gonna do? There are generators. There are APC units. The only things that stop are the lights and the A/C (Which, in Chennai, in June, can be somewhat of a distraction...the keyboard gets mighty slippery when sweat from my forehead hits the keys).

Wonder. Will it happen again is a given. You have to wonder when. You have to wonder how much diesel is in that enormous Cummins generator in the back, or how much juice is in the APC units.

Smile. You have seen the light. The power is back on. The bowling game continues as the A/C unit fires back up.

Make it interesting. It's gonna go out again. But how many times today? 2? 20? (Today was 21). The person who guesses the best wins the pot. The person who guesses worst buys the beer.

Just another day in an amazing place with amazing people. Life is good (even in the dark).

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Weekend Adventures

It was in a word, most excellent.

Our second and last weekend in Chennai came on Friday night and we embraced it with vigor. Friday night, Ted and I got our '80s on at the Leather Bar at the Park Hotel when we saw one of the founding members of Duran Duran.

Those of you who know who Andy Wickett, raise your hands. Now go to confession because you're an awful liar. Andy was the first lead singer and wrote their hit Girls on Film. He was kicked out of the band.

Dammit, I was famous once!

Gee I wonder why? Maybe because he looks like the love child of Keith Richards and Eddie Izzard. Yup. That's probably it.

Anyway, he was fantastic. He was Hugh Grant in Music and Lyrics, but with a snarl instead of a whimper. Why was he in Chennai? A stop on a triumphant world tour perhaps? Not quite. He's a computer animation expert and is teaching a class at a local university. Gigging about is how he gets his kicks on the weekend.

How did we get our kicks on Saturday?

Shopping. Well, shopping and two quick cultural expeditions to San Thome (the burial place of St. Thomas...Doubting Thomas in the Bible) and the Bay of Bengal.

Interesting Fact #1: San Thome is one of three in the world built on the burial ground of a saint. The other two are St. Peter's Basilica in Rome and Saint James the Great at Santiago, Spain.

The Basilica at San Thome

A painting of Thomas inspecting Jesus' side

Relics containing bone fragments of St. Thomas

Interesting Fact #2: The beach at Chennai is the second longest in the world (Miami Beach is the longest) and the longest in Asia.

Family day at Marina Beach

A beautiful day (Photo by Ted)

A moment right out of National Geographic

But really, we shopped. We shopped for saris. We shopped for wooden goods. We shopped for jewelery. We shopped for...well, you name it and we shopped for it. You people are voracious. We spent about five hours filling orders for all things Indian. Dealing with vendors and haggling was a new experience for me. I'm not good at it. Thank God for Anil. He knew exactly what to say and how to say it so I got the best deal possible.

Basically, everything is negotiable. Everything. Also, there was a "White Guy Comin'" tax of about 20-50%. We are strangers in a strange land and everyone knows it. Sharks smelling blood have nothing on some of the vendors we encountered. Used car salesmen could take a master class.

People would follow us for several feet after we passed them and beg that we enter their shop. "Very good price, very good," was a refrain we heard a lot. And if we did go into a shop, it was hard to get out in many cases without buying something. Several times I expected a shop owner to pull out pictures of his starving children. Children who were starving because people like me wouldn't buy large wooden elephonts that had other wooden elephonts carved inside them.

It was complete and utter culture shock, once again. And, here's the kicker, we were in a mall. A mall. A mall with fancy elevators and escalators. And hordes, freakin' hordes of people. Macy's on the Saturday before Christmas had nothing on the Spencer Plaza on a lazy Saturday in June.

Look at all the people (Photo by Ted)

A rabbit warren of shopping adventures (Photo by Ted)

During our eight hour excursion, we shopped for about five hours. When we got home, I went to the gym. I couldn't run on the treadmill because my feet hurt so badly. But that's not the point. The point is we shopped so much because stuff is dirt cheap here. You should come on vacation. India is indescribably beautiful and a hell of a deal. Saris for six bucks. Cell phones for $50. An entire meal for all of us...with fried ice cream for dessert (who knew, right?) for less than a ten spot.

Visit. Seriously. It's amazing here.

So that was Saturday.

Sunday, Ted and Anil chilled out in Chennai (Ted did a little more shopping and hit the gym twice - I'm impressed with both his stamina and his dedication. Anil went to a baby shower for Rajashwari). I hopped in the car with our faithful driver and went down to see the temples at Mahabalipuram. Words don't describe these ancient relics carved right into the Earth. Seriously, I don't have the words, so here's a link.

And here are some pictures.

Welcome to Mahabalipuram

This guy rocks!






Welcome to Shore Temple

Ok, ok, so I have a few words. It was a very interesting day. And I'll leave out the whole thing about almost dying four times on the drive down as I don't want to upset the relatives. Indian drivers are, well, fearless.

Anyway, Ted and Anil had visited Mahabalipuram the year before and had given me some good advice. First, they said that the vendors and guides would be relentless. Second, they said it would be like nothing I had ever seen. They were right on both counts.

People approached me from the moment I left the car. Because it is the low season in India there were few tourists wandering the ruins. I was an easy target. The only way I can compare the vendors from Saturday and the vendors from Sunday is to draw an analogy from professional sports. The guys on Saturday were the rookies. On Sunday I met the all stars. Every vendor had the best quality geegaw or tour for the best price. Every argument I made, they had a counter argument. Every time I said no, they lowered their prices. After about five minutes I had my fill. After an hour I was starting to get annoyed. Saying no repeatedly was more tiring than the 110 degree temperature. It really was.

So that's when I almost caused an international incident.

At the Shore Temple, a vendor approached me with stone carvings of a single god in multiple poses. The carvings were attractively packaged in a long, narrow cardboard carrying case (imagine something you would use to store 12 dominoes horizontally), and each carving was sealed in plastic.

He approached. I said no.

He placed the first cardboard sleeve in the hand I was using to gesture "go away." Like a dummy, I held on instead of letting it drop to the ground. He pointed out the name of each pose. "Interesting, but no thanks," I said.

In response, he placed a second sleeve on top of the first and repeated his routine. When I tried to hand them back, he acted blind. Like if I kept holding them I would fall in love and purchase them.

What happened next? You guessed it, a third sleeve.

My driver watched all this with the patience of someone who had seen it all before.

"Here is Ganesh as a warrior," the vendor said, pointing at the first small carving.

"Here is Ganesh as a prince," he said, pointing at the second.

Here is. Here is. Here is. Point. Point. Point.

I grew weary around "here is" number four. Around "here is" number eight, I devised my counter argument. I smiled, waiting for him to finish his litany of the many poses of Ganesh.

He did, finally.

So, taking a play from his playbook. I pointed at the first carving and said "Ganesh?"

Yes, he nodded excitedly. The fat American tourist looks interested, I may eat tonight after all. Praise be Ganesh!

Not so fast, guy. Not so fast. I pointed again to the first carving. Looked him dead in the eye and said "NO!"

I pointed to the second small carving. NO!

NO! NO! NO! Point. Point. Point.

The vendor's face, once beaming at the thought of a sale, fell. His eyes grew hard and cold. If his hands weren't full of carvings he probably would have taken a swing at me. My driver, on the other hand, was shaking as he tried to hold his laughter.

As I walked away I could hear him yell. I think I learned how to curse in Hindi. I really do.

On the way home, Chandrasankar and I laughed about the incident. Not exactly the perfect end to a wonderful day, but it made for a great story, and in the end, isn't that what life is all about?

Another picture dump later today, for now...

A picture of the culprit

and the innocent victim

No more wire hangers!!!

Ok, in my case, it's "No MORE COOKIES and CHIPS!" I don't want to sound like an ungrateful S.O.B. (those of you who know me well can just hold your tongues, please) here, but I came to India hoping that I might lose a pound or two. That fragile dream has been derailed by an onslaught of hospitality by our Indian hosts (here they just call them hosts). Every morning we come to the office and are greeted by mounds of Danish butter cookies (there they just call them butter cookies, I suppose), and Ruffles potato chips.

Every morning my resolve lasts about 10 minutes and then the next thing you know I'm covered in sugar crumbs and grease. Every afternoon, before lunch, I find the person in charge of this trans-fat free for all, and I, in my most "I don't wish to offend you, but" voice, beseech him to lay off the fatty fat fat.

"Of course sir, no problem sir." He always says.

Every afternoon, when we return from lunch, there is a new pile of sugary and salty goodness. Again, even though I've just eaten, my resolve lasts 10 minutes.

And yes, I always move the treats to the opposite end of the conference table, and yes every afternoon they're back in front of my laptop.

So today, I'll find the guy and I'll ask him to hold off on Monday, but if I know my Idilly I'll have an entire weekend to map out new strategies that keep me from gaining another kilo without offending our wonderful, wonderful hosts.

And that folks, and I apologize in advance for this, is how the cookie crumbles here in Chennai.

Blessed Routine

Ahh blessed routine.
By the third day at Birlasoft, Ted, Anil, and I had settled into a comfortable groove.
Ted and I would spend an hour or more in the gym at 6am, meet Anil at breakfast, and then head to the office. Our lead-footed driver ?? always made the 1km trip an adventure.
After arriving, we would sign in with Security. A ritual as carefully choreographed as a dance by Bill T. Jones or Twyla Tharp. First we would sign in for our badges. First name, Last Name, Company, Purpose of visit, Time of entry. Then we would sign in our laptops. Make, Model, ID number (we've decided that the Dell number is unmanageable, so we use the Rap serial number on the bottom of our machines.
Through the gauntlet we head upstairs. The man who is apparently paid to open doors for us springs to life and races ahead of us up the stairs. We all think this is ridiculous. We can open doors for ourselves, but to protest would be rude. So we smile and say thank you.
After about 20 minutes of checking e-mail and getting ready for the day ahead, we call in the entire team for Event and Education training. We stick to a pretty strict routine. We discuss the topic at hand for about 20 or thirty minutes, then there's usually a question that allows us to extemporize on association management and how Magic works. That lasts about 20 minutes.
As we continue the discussion we are peppered with questions about how the system should handle potential error conditions ("what should happen if a person registers for a class twice?" for example). Those questions enable us to get to the heart of the matter and to explain how we see the product working at the programmatic level. Because Ted is such an excellent teacher and facilitator, the team feels free to point out issues with our design and we make quick corrections on the fly. This exceptionally interesting back and forth takes us to lunch.
Lunch takes an hour and then it is back to work.
The remainder of the afternoon is spent reviewing screens from the Accounting manager. Like Event and Education training, this also has a routine.
First we bring in the three or four people who worked on a specific screen or set of screens. Once their seated, we offer a pile of praise for the application, which is richly deserved, and then we proceed to tear it apart at an almost microscopic level. It really must feel like being nibbled to death by ducks.
We let no stray pixel, or un-centered button go unnoticed. If there is too much space between one border and a field label and too little between another, we speak up. People base their confidence in an application based on how it looks. If it looks right, it probably performs right. If it looks thrown together, well, it's hard to have confidence.
Once we have the UI issues out of the way, we review the workflow of the screen and verify that it is logical and intuitive. We point out problems. We offer praise. We spend many hours in this endeavor. The team responds well to this work, they ask excellent questions and never get defensive when we point out things we'd like to improve upon.
Through this effort, we've found many issues and the team is working hard to resolve them before we leave in a week or so.
After three or four hours we call it a day and head back to the hotel for dinner and a good night's sleep, so we can be ready for the next exciting day.

Photo-palooza

Here are some photos from our journey to India. We start in Los Angeles.

Ted and Anil at LAX. They're excited to travel halfway around the world. The journey from door to door took 38 hours.

In L.A. this would probably be plastic. In Singapore it's incredibly alive and fragant...no, not Ted, the flowering plant behind him.

The Singapore Skyline is quite impressive. The Ferris Wheel will be the largest in Asia and will allow people to see more than four countries at the top.

Singaporeans have such a colorful way to say "No guns, knives, or other nasties on the plane, please."

Welcome to Chennai

An enormous tree in front of the hotel

More soon!